This Isn’t Pretty

*trigger warning: eating disorder*

A fat little girl

At 4 she loves powdered doughnuts,

“don’t eat too many of those you’ll spoil your dinner”

 

A fat little girl

at 6 her clothes are getting a little tight,

“are you really going to eat all of that?”

 

A fat little girl

At 8 she tells her mom she wants to pack her own lunch,

“I’m a big girl, I can do it myself”

 

A fat little girl

At 10 only has carrots and water,

“Where is the rest of your lunch?”

 

 

A fat little girl

at 12 her friends argue she is “big boned” because the reality that she jiggles is too hard to admit,

“You’ll slim down as you get older”

 

A fat little girl

at 14 doesn’t have seconds of her favourite meal

“Don’t you want some more? You’ve barely eaten anything”

 

A fat little girl

At 16 her mother is worried because her baby isn’t

eating breakfast,

“At least have a smoothie”

 

A fat little girl

at 18 has scrapes on her knuckles from her front teeth,

“Are you okay?”

 

A fat little girl

at 20 doesn’t know how to eat without worrying about calories,

“Just water please”

 

A fat little girl

At 22 writes poetry on her arms in black pen and loves the way the words etch into her skin.

 

A fat little girl

At 24 is getting better

but still worries about how many carbs are in the drink she just ordered

 

She’s out with friends

trying to keep the voices away,

when she hears a mother say to her daughter

“Don’t eat all those doughnuts,

You don’t want to become

A fat little girl.”

 

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