I’ve been trying to figure out the words to say for what I’m about to post. I made a video but I’m too much of a crying mess in it to really understand it so I’m just going to let my thoughts out here and hope I make even a little bit of sense.
June 2016 was a month that changed my life forever. It was then that I learned my grandmother, a woman who has not only had a hand in raising me but has loved me unconditionally, was diagnosed with what at the time I thought was breast cancer. Now, and this is going to sound terrible, but I didn’t really know how to react. I think I was more optimistic than maybe was realistic but I told myself they found it early and they would get it all and she would be fine. After all, my grandma is one of the strongest women I’ve ever met, no way is cancer going to stop her. However recently I’ve been told the news wasn’t good. The results came back and my grandma has stage 4 terminal cancer. I shut down. I didn’t respond while everyone around me cried, while everyone let it sink in, all I wanted to do was break something. A dish, a window, a mirror, I didn’t care. I needed to break something because I was so angry. The doctors were supposed to catch it, they were supposed to make sure my grandma was okay.
Looking back on it, I realize it isn’t the faults of the doctors but in a moment like that, does logic really play a role in anything? Not really. My grandma has stage 4 terminal cancer, I still can’t believe it. I feel so helpless because what can I do? How am I going to survive without my grandma? My lifeline? I’ve been terrible, believe me, I can be nasty but my grandma has never left me, ever. She has always stood by my side and has helped me through more than anyone, including her, could ever know. My grandma goes above and beyond for those she cares about and she loves with her whole heart. I sometimes think she has more than one heart somehow because how could one heart hold so much love? So what it boils down to is; I need your help. I need the kindness that I know everyone is capable of.
Please share the GoFundMe link for Kathy’s Medical Fund. If you can’t donate, please share it anyways. Maybe somehow, someone out there will be able to donate, even if it’s just $5.00. Every little bit helps.
GoFundMe- Kathy’s Medical Fund
Another year has come and gone and what a year it has been! I thought that, mainly for myself, it would be a cool idea to go through my Instagram and re-visit some of the amazing things that have happened this year for me personally. Here are a very of my favourite moments from 2016 with some of my favourite people!
Continue reading My 2016 Highlights
2016 has come and gone (thank god because what a year!) so I thought it was appropriate to post my 2017 resolutions on the first day of 2017 because is there a better time?
First thing that I’ve learned about resolutions is they have to be actually attainable. In the past I have set some pretty crazy, unrealistic goal like raise my GPA 2.0 in a semester which, for myself, is just not realistic so here are my realistic resolutions for 2017!
Continue reading My 2017 Resolutions: How I Plan to Make This The Best Year Yet
My little sisters are going to grow up in a world where they will have to buy pepper spray when they go off to college.
My little sisters are going to grow up in a world where boys are taught to “go out and have fun” and girls are taught not to leave their drinks alone.
My little sisters are going to grow up in a world that tells boys it’s ok to take what you want as long as you have the money.
My little sisters are going to grow up in a world where how they do in school will mean nothing if they don’t look the part.
My little sisters will grow up in a world where women are only valued based on how much they put out.
My little sisters will grow up in a world where at least 1 in every 6 of their friends will be sexually assaulted and the first question they will be asked is “well what were you wearing?”.
But go ahead and keep saying it’s “just locker room talk”.
I need feminism because little girls grow up being afraid of dark streets and those who hide in the shadows.
I need feminism because my sister wants to diet because boys pick apart her body.
I need feminism because my sister is told that when a boy kicks her or pulls her hair, he likes her.
I need feminism because my sisters shouldn’t grow up in a world where violence is considered affection.
I need feminism because my sisters have the right to equal pay.
I need feminism because I don’t want my sisters growing up in a world where going to college means having to learn self-defense.
I need feminism because 1 in 3 women will experience domestic violence during her lifetime.
I need feminism because when people hear of a rape they ask what the victim was wearing.
I need feminism because I want my sisters to be safe.
it isn’t just seizures.
It’s losing pieces of your memory and screaming for your mother and not realizing she is one of the 20 unfamiliar faces above you because you are that messed up. It’s slipping in and out of reality for hours and being messed up for days but having to try and get it together because the world doesn’t wait for you to catch up. It’s being asked “what’s the last thing you remember?” and not being able to answer because you can’t remember anything. What’s your name? Where are you? Have you been in this room before? It’s ten strangers walking around your bed with needles and charts trying to determine why you seized in the first place. It’s being injected with medication that burns your veins because you can’t keep anything down. I
It’s countless amounts of EEGs and sleep deprivation tests only to be told that the specialists don’t know why you seize or where your seizures come from. It’s having to constantly test your Lemitical levels every time you start a new pill so that you can be sure your seizures will stay under control. It’s having to remember to take your pills on top of your daily life.
It’s being told you have to be seizure free for at least a year if you want to be able to drive. It’s missing out on a rollercoaster you’ve been wanting to ride or seeing your favourite band because the lights could trigger you. It’s missing things that those without Epilepsy take for granted. It’s not just seizures, it’s been my way of life for 9 years and it will continue to be my life. I constantly live in the fear, even though I’ve been seizure free for 5 years, that if I seize again no one will be there to help me since mine happen at night.
The misunderstanding on how to help someone who is seizing is a terrifying thing. I can’t even count the amount of times someone has told me that if they see someone seizing they’d put something in their mouth to prevent them from biting through their tongue and when I tell them that doing that is the worst thing you could do, they tell me I don’t know what I’m talking about. You sit there behind your ignorance and tell me I don’t know what I’m talking about but this is my life. If I am seizing and you put something in my mouth to prevent me from biting through my tongue you raise my chances of choking on my own vomit. It’s not a pretty picture but it’s true.
Instead of getting defensive, listen to what I’m telling you. Listen to me when I tell you that you need to put the person on their side and make sure there aren’t any objects around them that they can hurt themselves on. Listen to me when I tell you to make sure there isn’t anything tight around their neck and listen to me when I tell you not to put anything in their mouth. Listen to me when I tell you to not retrain them and to give them space and please listen to me when I say that if they are seizing for more than 5 minutes that you need to call 911.
Please listen to me because this is my life and it’s out of my hands.
I haven’t posted in a while (and for that I’m sorry). I have been having a rough time writing anything at this point but eventually I’ll get back on track. Things have been so hectic lately between work, school, the makeup blog and I’ve recently joined the fashion council in my city so trying to find something to write for this blog has been a job in itself. However I’ve noticed that recently I have had a slight theme to my Instagram (feel free to follow me) and while I don’t have many followers, I have learned a thing or two about Instagram that I thought I’d share.
Continue reading Instagram Tips + How I Edit My Photos